Overachievers Seek Baby

Moving

noreply@blogger.com (kellg) — Sun, 16 Dec 2007 05:29:00 +0000

I am now posting at kell.thegastoncrew.com. The transition has been a little bit rough, but hopefully things will be letter in the long run (I can look at pictures I post on my computer at work!)

kell

Rollin'

noreply@blogger.com (kellg) — Wed, 05 Dec 2007 03:04:00 +0000

Just a quick update. Baby rolled over for the first time today. Of course, we missed it. Maama got to be the first to witness this momentous feat. She has pictures of the progression, but I haven't had a chance to upload them yet.

Christmas Came Early for Baby

noreply@blogger.com (kellg) — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 03:56:00 +0000

Baby has been wearing us out lately with all of his jumping. We were at a loss for what to get him for Christmas. So, I started doing some research and came across a stationary jumper in the same rainforest theme as many of his other toys. So, last night, mom and I went to babies 'r us and bought it (practically the only time we were out of the house all weekend because we've been sick).

Dh and I put it together last night. And, this morning baby got to try it out. He loves it! He was hesitant at first, just checking out all the toys, but soon he found his feet and had the thing bouncing, bouncing, bouncing. Mom managed to take some pictures, so I'm including those.

In other news, I'm soon to have a new blog home (blogspot has been fine, but I'll be happy to be able to view it from work). Dh finally came up with an appropriate domain name. So, we'll be moving to http://thegastoncrew.com. We thought the name was appropriate!

Oh, and I'd been procrastinating about baby's Christmas stocking. I just didn't think I would have time to make him one to match our's. However, I got a chance Saturday evening and finished it in about 5 1/2 hours.

Ladies' Night Out

noreply@blogger.com (kellg) — Fri, 30 Nov 2007 04:28:00 +0000

Tonight was our long awaited Ladies' Movie Night -- we also got to go out to dinner. It was lots of fun -- we had mexican food and watched "August Rush." The movie was a bit cheesy, but there was good music and it ended happily. Made me miss dh and the baby a lot, though. Dh helped with all the kids at grandma's. Thank you, dh and grandma for giving us some time off!

An acquaintance from "down home" is currently on day 6 of stims. She has 7 follies (a cyst on one ovary is limiting stimulation) right now. Please keep her and her dh in your prayers over the next few weeks.

4 Week Appointment

noreply@blogger.com (kellg) — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 19:30:00 +0000

Update from Today:

14 pounds 5 ounces
25 3/4"

He's So Cute

noreply@blogger.com (kellg) — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 02:39:00 +0000

When Nathaniel was born, I was amazed at how cute he is. I know I'm biased, but he really is a cute baby. So, for your viewing pleasure, I'm including some recent photos (from Halloween thru Thanksgiving).

He made such a cute little lamb.

Playing around with mommy after returning from Houston. I let him relax in just a diaper and wrapped in a flannel blanket. He was so glad to be home. He rolled around on a pallet on the floor wrestling with a blanket for an hour! He was so glad to be out of that car seat, too.

I forgot the outfit I'd bought for Thanksgiving in the dryer! So, he had to wear his new flannel shirt that I bought for the 3 month pictures that never happened. My mom says he looked like his grandad! I didn't get to trim his nails that week, and he decided to tear his face and head up.

Tomorrow is his 4 month checkup. He's supposed to get shots, but we both have a case of the cruddies (mine is worse). I don't know if that will interfere. It scares me so much when he coughs and coughs. There is mucus coming out of everything! Eyes, nose, and then there's all that drool!

Blog You Very Much

noreply@blogger.com (kellg) — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 02:32:00 +0000

This week, the ladies at Lost and Found Connection forwarded a request from some other blogger about thanking the person/persons who inspired you to blog. Really, there were two people for me. So, here goes.

Jenn at pincushionprincessdiaries.blogspot.com first gave me the idea of blogging through ivf. She belonged to my babycenter board and went through ivf just before me. Her ivf didn't work, but she is due anytime after a successful IUI!! Another inspiration was Sunny at gracehopeandfaith.blogspot.com. Sunny is just inspiring in general. I don't know how she remains humourous and patient after 3 plus years of ttc. It's her turn!!!

I Became Pregnant One Year Ago Today

noreply@blogger.com (kellg) — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 02:17:00 +0000

Today . . . last year I was on bed rest after our transfer -- pregnant until proven otherwise. Today . . . this year our little miracle baby is going through the very normal teething stage. Yesterday and today have been hard on him. He also has a cough. Poor guy.

Today, I also got estimates for repairing our garage door (that I crunched on Saturday). It was a stressful weekend! Luckily, it's not going to be too expensive to repair.

National Infertility Awareness Week (Blogtavism)

noreply@blogger.com (kellg) — Tue, 06 Nov 2007 20:26:00 +0000

To the powers that be:

My husband and I always follow the rules. We went to college and graduated with honors. We work and have worked in public education, public policy, and health care -- trying to give back to our community. We pay a ton of taxes! We saved and bought a house with plenty of space to raise the family we'd carefully planned for. When the time seemed right, we decided to start trying to conceive. Thus began the longest, most arduous and heart wrenching experience of my life.

We did what we were told . . . just relax and it will happen. Give it a while. Then it turned into monitor your temperatures,use a ovulation predictor. After six months, I knew there was a problem. Why else would two healthy people at healthy weights and with regular cycles not be able to conceive? Then, the testing began. I can't count the number of times we went to the doctor, the number of oh so pleasant exams, the horrible hysterosalpingogram, the ultrasounds, and the blood draws. Then, we each had surgery. The diagnosis: each of us had a medical condition that was preventing conception.

Our only option: in vitro fertilization with ICSI. Did I mention that I'm a lowly public servant? In Oklahoma, state employee insurance is like picking the best of the worst -- every option is bad! No coverage for any part of IVF. Do you have any idea how much one cycle of IVF costs? Or how much time is involved? (It's very difficult for a teacher to take off an hour or two every day for an extended period of time). Or what the likelihood of success is? We decided to take the risk -- to gamble most of what I make in a year on one attempt. We don't generally gamble, but we felt as if we had no choice.

Thankfully, our "gamble" paid off and we conceived our little boy on the first round. But about half of all couples who try IVF aren't so lucky the first time around. It's hard to even imagine how we would have felt had the outcome been different. We were fortunate that we could even attempt IVF once. It is sad that most health insurance only covers diagnosis and some treatment of infertility related issues (like cheap clomid or surgery, none of which would help us). Medical conditions (endometriosis and a varicocele) kept us from conceiving naturally, but our medical insurance would not help us. Our insurance company would probably have saved money if they'd just paid for IVF instead of multiple surgeries.

Infertility is a disease -- a disease that causes severe stress and can even cause loving couples to fall apart -- please help change state laws to mandate coverage for treatment that can actually help. Please mandate coverage for IUI and IVF.

Really Remembering

noreply@blogger.com (kellg) — Sat, 03 Nov 2007 19:42:00 +0000

Last night, I joined some folks at the Women of Faith Conference in OKC. I really wanted to stay home, but I went.

I enjoyed the concert. Nicole Nordeman was performing and I've always liked her music. It's very touching. And it made me think so much about infertility and ivf. Maybe it was all the pregnant bellies. Or the fact that I talked to a girl from Durant this week who is about to start IVF. Or that it's been almost a year. Or that I watched a special on the Discovery Channel about Louise Brown.

The theme of the program was freedom. I certainly don't feel free from the bondage -- the all consuming nature -- of infertility. I have a baby, but I'm still haunted by this disease. I know it's something we'll have to face again in the future. It's not fair.

The program on Louise Brown seeemed to indicate that today, IVF is routine and mainstream. I wanted to laugh. There was nothing routine abou the emotional roller coaster I was on last November.

Our Little Pumpkin

noreply@blogger.com (kellg) — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 02:01:00 +0000

Tonight I'm sharing pictures of Nathaniel in his Halloween "costume." This is also the first outfit he received as a gift (his grandmother purchased for us in 2006 shortly after we found out that we were expecting).

Baa Baa Black Sheep Has Some New Lyrics

noreply@blogger.com (kellg) — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 02:18:00 +0000

My mom is here this week -- keeping the baby while I'm at work.

On Sunday night, she was singing Baa Baa Black Sheep to Nathaniel and she came up with some new words.

Baa, baa black sheep have you any wool?
Yes, sir, yes, sir, 3 bags full.
One for the master, one for the dame,
One for the little boy who SHOULD LIVE AT LANE.

Wishful thinking for maama. We think she should live here!

IF still sucks!

noreply@blogger.com (kellg) — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 02:36:00 +0000

DH and I are both currently carrying around benefit option stuff from work. I wanted to get everything done tonight (so I can stop carrying it around), but infertility makes insurance decisions complicated. I am switching back to a ppo for baby and I and I'm also adding dh. We don't plan to use it unless it is really needed for dh, but the state pays for it, so why not take it!

I also had to decide about an FSA. How much if any to hold out for 2008? Will we be doing IVF? Will I be pg?

And then the biggie . . . what happens if I quit my job? Dh's insurance is fairly reasonable, but his packet is very vague about coverage. I'm primarily concerned about drug coverage since I know we'll have to pay out of pocket for IVF. The drugs last time cost less than 500.00 with insurance, but without it it can be up to 6,000.00 just for meds. Ouch! I may have to keep my job just for the crappy coverage it DOES provide. (They did end up paying about 2,000 for the procedure too, but I'm not counting on that).

I'm still considering going to work at a company that covers IVF, like Fed Ex Kinkos or Integris, just long enough to get coverage.

Ahh, the things we do because of IF!

New Pictures

noreply@blogger.com (kellg) — Thu, 18 Oct 2007 18:59:00 +0000

Nathaniel had new professional photos taken on Monday. I think I emailed an access code to everyone. If I didn't get one to you, let me know.

These photos were taken over the past few days.

I think he looks like me in this one.

He scratched his face up nicely for his pictures.

Weekend

noreply@blogger.com (kellg) — Sun, 14 Oct 2007 12:14:00 +0000

The rest of my birthday weekend was much better than Thursday. Dh was home on Friday. We had a great time with baby and then went to watch a movie before going out to dinner with the family at my favorite piizza place. Saturday, I went shopping with MIL, SIL, grandma and a niece and nephew. I definitely didn't fit in the size I wanted, but I plan to get serious about my weight again next week. I did buy a few thing though. Baby got some long sleeved onesies and socks.

Baby slept through the night on Friday and Saturday nights, although he went to bed late both nights. I think his teeth really hurt so his schedule is off. He tries really hard to be happy but he hurts. He has a new trick. He was sitting sideways on my lap yesterday and discovered that if he fell bacwards, I would catch him. So, he started doing it again and again. He can stand at the ottoman by my chair by himself, too. And he tried to climb up the outside of his crib when we were walking around yesterday. He's a busy boy.

Disappointed

noreply@blogger.com (kellg) — Fri, 12 Oct 2007 02:05:00 +0000

Okay, I'll explain why I'm disappointed, but first, the good parts of the day. I had a very nice lunch and dinner with dh and had a good afternoon with baby. He is really drooly tonight and still awake at 9 p.m. Wait, he just fell asleep.

Now to the rest of the day which has been pretty sucky!

I expected to hear something from that job in my office this week but I had not, so I was going to call this afternoon. And then the big boss came and asked me about it too. So I call. No one answers, but they called me back while we were at lunch. The answer: my application was rejected due to a lack of professional experience. The minimum requirement is three years and a MA. Well, I have the M.A. I was a T.A. for 3 semesters. I taught junior high/high school for a year and a half. I volunteered in the state archives for about 4-6 months. I interned with the largest private preservation group in the country, doing field work. I've been at my present job since January. I thought the big boss would speak up for me and help me out. I was mistaken. She called and made it clear that she didn't think I had the necessary experience. She said the ms/hs experience definitely didn't count (although it's in the right field! I guess teachers aren't professionals). She told me to focus on being a new mommy and to take consolation in the fact that I will be eligible for a 5% raise in January. Whoopee!

I'm disappointed and hurt. I've already begun the training to fill this position on an interim basis. But I don't plan to do it because I am not "qualified." That is if I go back. I may not. I may just focus on my child.

Birthdays

noreply@blogger.com (kellg) — Thu, 11 Oct 2007 03:09:00 +0000

This photo is from today as baby and I were playing on the computer.

Tomorrow is my 29th birthday.

I've been reflecting on my birthdays over the last few years. Momentous things seem to happen around that time for me. And, it's my favorite time of the year! Let's see, in 2003, dh and I had been dating for a few months and he bought me very thoughtful gifts as he was "trying to win me over" (according to mom). In 2004, we were newlyweds and building our house. I was so sad that dh had to go to work and then he surprised me by coming home after a mandatory morning meeting. We had a great day. 2005 was miserable. It was shortly before the Christmas from hell. We'd been ttc since May and each month, I became more and more scared that something was wrong. Each month as AF arrived, I became an emotional wreck. My birthday was on the weekend, I think. We'd had a sunday school party on Saturday night at our house. Midway through the party, AF arrived. I was devastated, but had to go out and be festive. The next day, we had my birthday lunch at our house. We had pizza and MIL had made me a cake. And then my little niece announced that she was going to be a "big sister." Sorry, K, but I had a hard time keeping it together. I was thrilled, but so very jealous. Not a good birthday all the way around. Last year, was much better. I had started the Lupron injections and was anxious to really get going with the IVF cycle. Also, I was looking forward to several job interviews. This year, it's kind of anti-climactic. I'm tired and don't really want to do anything -- I just want to come home and be with dh and baby since my mom couldn't be here. I made the mistake of trying on some pants at my favorite store today. Big mistake. I've lost 30+ pounds, but still have a long way to go. I bought a shirt and some earrings. Thanks mom!

I've really got to get serious about the weight loss.

One Week Down

noreply@blogger.com (kellg) — Fri, 05 Oct 2007 02:46:00 +0000

Well, I've put in my 2.5 days for this week. It wasn't bad. I certainly missed baby, but it was also nice to be out. I keep reminding myself that it's about quality time, not quantity. He is having a good time at grandma's. He comes home exhausted! I think he's afraid to take a nap for fear of missing any action! He loves his cousins.

I turned in my application for the vacant position in my office today. I should hear something next week about where I stand in terms of applicants thus far. Who knows! I am being trained to do the job currently. If I do not get the job, I will not do the job during the transition and will not train the new person. Sorry, but I'm not that big of a sucker.

My office is having a birthday party for me on Tuesday. Dh is taking off next Friday to spend with me. That should be fun!

Baby and I are off to the south tomorrow to help with a wedding. Maama is keeping baby while I help out.

First Day Back

noreply@blogger.com (kellg) — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 02:10:00 +0000

Well, we all survived. I left home at 6:59 a.m. and got home at 6:15 p.m. Quit a long day. Baby was tired and fell asleep at 7:40. He played whrn we got home -- he wanted to walk all over the room with me holding him up. He's prett cute and thinks he is big stuff!

Pumping was fun. I have to take something to read or listen to my ipod -- otherwise it's very boring. Maybe I'll get more milk now that I am pumping on a consistent basis with no one to interrupt me! Well, there were some interruptions. When I pumped at lunch, five people knocked on the door. There was also a screaming kid outside the door.

Bedtime!

Update on work

noreply@blogger.com (kellg) — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 03:55:00 +0000

The big boss called me this afternoon while I was getting a manicure. The agreement of the big boss (my division head), the assistant OHC director, and the director's secretary is that I should be fine pumping in the family restroom downstairs. I said I would give it a try, although I would prefer to pump at my desk. They promise to provide a chair and a small table. I asked that they make sure there is an electrical outlet! The concern is not for staff in my office, but for any visitors. Whatever! I guess we'll see how it goes. She was very friendly about it and called me on her day off, the day after her mother's funeral, so she really is trying to be accommodating.

Tomorrow, we're off down south for my ten year class reunion. We go to the football game tomorrow night and then a picnic on Saturday afternoon.

Baby had a rough day today. He was very whiny and did not want to sleep.

I had a haircut and then went to the nail salon. I had a pedicure and then they fixed my very messed up thumbnail. I really need that nail for a multitude of baby related things! Not to mention I didn't want to be wearing an ugly bandaid on my thumb at my reunion. Doesn't suit the person voted "Most Likely to Succeed." It's hard to believe Mill was voted class clown.

2 Month Checkup

noreply@blogger.com (kellg) — Tue, 25 Sep 2007 23:34:00 +0000

Nathaniel had his two-month checkup this morning. We had to be there bright and early at 8:30 a.m. He now weighs 11 lbs. 11 ozs. and is 23 1/4 inches. He is still in the 50th percentile for height and weight. We go back in two more months. Oh, the pediatrician thought his insistence on standing was pretty amazing (usually seen around 6 months) and she kept saying how sweet he is.

Then, it was time for shots. He had four and did really well. He did let out one heartbreaking cry. Dh helped to hold him. I cried. We gave him t*lenol before and every four hours since. He was pretty sour afterwards and slept a lot of the afternoon, but he's been smiling and cooing for the last hour or so. He laid on the floor on a quilt for a long time, just talking.

I received another early birthday present today. Quinn is sneaky! But, I love it! I can't wait to hang it up.

This weekend is my ten year reunion. Have I mentioned it before? I still haven't sent in my RSVP. Mill is trouble for skipping out on the Friday night football game. I don't know if we'll go to that or not. I guess we will make it to the picnic on Saturday though.

I considered titling this post "angry." There's still a possibility I will not be going back to work . . . and possibly suing the state! I have been reassured since January that accommodations would be made for me to pump at work. Well, last week I emailed my supervisor to check on those accommodations, making it clear that I would prefer to pump at my desk. I can cover up and the pump is quiet. No big deal. Well, the big boss is out of the office (her mother passed away). So, my supervisor must have spoken to administration. Anyway, I have an email today that says the director's secretary has found some rule or something that says I cannot pump at my desk. I have searched state statutes and not found anything that says I can't pump at my desk. State law says I have the right to breastfeed anywhere and that my employer must give me the time to pump (although it doesn't have to be paid). They are going to have to show it to me in an existing statute or I will do what I want. I shouldn't have even asked. I should have just done it and dared them to tell me to stop. Otherwise, they have to find a suitable place for me to pump. I will not pump in the bathroom! I will not pump in my car in the parking lot. And they have to have something arranged by Monday. Guess what, my supervisor will not be there Monday. I will need to pump shortly after I get to work on Monday, and it can't wait! I'll be miserable and leaking milk. If this doesn't get worked out, I'll stay home because I expect this to be a recurring issue, as I hope to have multiple children over the next several years and I intend to pump and feed or breastfeed them all.

Early Birthday

noreply@blogger.com (kellg) — Sun, 23 Sep 2007 02:35:00 +0000

I received my birthday present a little early. We had meetings at church this morning and afterwards, I told dh we needed to go look at computers at the A*ple store. We did, and we now have a new macbook that dh says is really mine, so that's a great present. But, while we were there, we were looking at software. I thought dh was looking for parallels, so we can run vista on the mac. While he was looking, I came across some home design software. I picked up the box and put it back, thinking it was too expensive. Dh looked at me and then said that is what he was thinking about for my birthday (he'd been debating and even mentioned to me that he was undecided). Well, it looks like great software. I can't wait to try it out! That way I can visualize what I have in mind. (I also contacted a different realtor. Our previous one just wasn't responding and I'd like to get moving on the lot).

Nathaniel has been talking and laughing a lot. He's also drueling, so teeth must be on the way.

"The Smell of Heaven"

noreply@blogger.com (kellg) — Sat, 22 Sep 2007 02:02:00 +0000

Today, Nathaniel and I got to visit my old school and then have lunch with daddy. It was nice to see the teachers and the students. It was the first time I'd seen the principal since leaving last November. He held the baby and said in Turkey, they say that the scent of babies is the smell of heaven. They were so nice to me there. He told Nathaniel that I gave up teaching for him. Gladly! The principal doesn't know I started a new job in January! That makes me feel a little bad, although I did leave teaching because it was too stressful. I would have left soon anyway. But, I still feel a little guilty. I liked what he said today, although I couldn't help thinking that his concept of heaven and our's is quite different!

Speaking of work, i think I'm ready to go back. I will certainly miss baby and it's going to be hard to juggle it all, but dh will help. I emailed today to check about accommodations for pumping. I think now that perhaps that I should have just started pumping in my cube and waited to see if anyone said anything. Now I'm gonna be really upset if they say no. It is a case of it being easier to ask forgiveness than permission. It shouldn't be a problem -- there's a grandpa on one side and a gay guy on the other! I'll come up with a curtain if I need to.

We made dinner tonight (steak and potatoes) for dh's friend who came over to watch the OU game with dh. Therefore, I'm pumping in the nursery.

Tomorrow, we have an early morning meeting at church and then dh is officially on vacation!! Yeah. I'm planning a pedicure, a haircut and maybe a color, and possibly a massage. Then next weekend is my ten year class reunion. What fun! If it had been nicely planned it would be alright, but everything is very last minute and half a**.

Oh, I joined We*ght W*atchers on Tuesday. Well, I don't guess you really join when you're a lifetime member. You just go face the music. I have about 40 pounds to lose to get to my goal. Dh has promised me a nice shopping spree when I get there. 40 sounds like so much! I am thinking in ten pound increments instead of one big chunk. I'm not supposed to try to get pg again until I lose that either.

Misc.

noreply@blogger.com (kellg) — Sat, 15 Sep 2007 00:53:00 +0000

Well, he's 7, almost 8 weeks old. I still need to make the appointment for his 2 month shots. Joy!

Last Saturday we went to the reunion for our childbirth class. He was the second youngest and second largest baby there! He was very well behaved as well.

Speaking of behavior . . . he's been sleeping much better. He seems to go to bed around 9:30, waking around 3:30 for a feeding and then getting up around 6:00. Much improved!

Mom has been here helping me clean this week. We got a lot done and had fun. Thanks mom!

My time off is winding down. :( It sounds like I may go back to more hours sooner than planned because my supervisor is leaving.

** Our pastor mentioned something to me on Sunday that concerned me. He wondered if what I write has ever offended anyone since family reads this. I hope I haven't "stepped on any toes." However, just a little warning. This is MY blog. It is my venue to vent -- although I know it cannot serve the same function as a journal. It is my means of communicating my feelings to people I know. The same rules apply for my blog as for catering -- whatever I say cannot be held against me! Sometimes I write entries, and then go back and edit them because I'm afraid of how they might be perceived. Other times, I refrain from writing something in the first place for fear it might be offensive. But really, that defeats the purpose of this blog. I am supposed to write what I feel, what I want. Writing things out helps me to deal with them and if I censor myself, then part of the benefit of this blog is defeated. So remember, read at your own risk!!!

Six Weeks!

noreply@blogger.com (kellg) — Thu, 06 Sep 2007 23:13:00 +0000

It's hard to believe that Nathaniel is 6 weeks old!

I had my six week checkup yesterday. Everything was good, so now I can finally mow the yard! And go back to Weight Watchers. I am definitely looking forward more to the former and not the latter!

In job news, my supervisor is leaving to take a job in Washington. That leaves me in a good position to advance to his position, which I would really like. So, I guess it is back to full time for me in January -- no staying home. I put in too many years in school to stay home when I have this opportunity. I'm kind of excited, although it will be hard to leave little guy. I love staying home with him. But from everything I have read, it's all about quality time and not quantity.

If I'm working full time, I want to move closer to work and I want to hire some help. Dh is opposed to this, he thinks it sets a bad example for our children. I disagree. I think that having someone to clean our house and do our lawn frees us up to spend time with our kids and each other -- which is most important. I think that is the best example for them. I don't think dh realizes how important it is to me that our house be clean all the time! It really messes with my head to be surrounded by a mess. I can't handle dirty dishes in the sink -- it makes me nuts! I'll still have laundry and cooking to do when I get home from work. I don't want to do the cleaning too -- it's too much!

Baby was only up 2 times during the night and then got up at 6:00 a.m. He still got up to play with his daddy in the middle of the night. And he doesn't want to go to bed until almost 11:00! Ornery boy!